If you’re “bewifed” by “five savage wives” and childrenised by “sixteen voracious children,” what do you do when you’re suddenly “dejobbed?”

You write a letter in which you tell your boss that you resent being “violently dejobbed in a twinkling.” You also point out to him that he is clearly wrong for giving you a sack on charges of laziness. How lazy can you be if you’ve “pitched sixteen infant children into” the world? 

Lol. 

It actually happened. In 1929, an aggrieved government employer in the city of Calabar sends a letter to his boss asking him to reconsider the decision to thrown him out of work.

The writing is melancholy but endlessly funny. It’s so bad that it’s lovable, poetic even. The grand poetic imageries are my favorites. Neither Shakespeare nor Soyinka could have thought up a line as arresting as “pitched sixteen infant children into this valley of tears.” 

Enjoy and have a fabulous weekend.  

#NOTE: Scroll past the image to see the full transcript of the letter.

 

calabar-letter-1929

click image to see full letter

Calabar
February 2nd 1929.

Kind Sir,

On opening this epistle you will behold the work of a dejobbed person, and a very bewifed and much childrenised gentleman.

Who was violently dejobbed in a twinkling by your goodself. For Heavens sake Sir consider this catastrophe as falling on your own head, and remind yourself as walking home at the moon’s end of five savage wives and sixteen voracious children with your pocket filled with non-existent £ S D; not a solitudery sixpence; pity my horrible state when being dejobbed and proceeding with a heart and intestines filled with misery to this den of doom; myself did greedily contemplate culpable homicide, but Him who did protect Daniel (poet) safely through the lion’s dens will protect his servant in his home of evil.

As to reason given by yourself — goodself — esquire for my dejobbment the incrimination was laziness.

No Sir. It were impossible that myself who has pitched sixteen infant children into this valley of tears, can have a lazy atom in his mortal frame, and the sudden departure of eleven pounds monthly has left me on the verge of the abyss of destitution and despair. I hope this vision of horror will enrich your dreams this night, and good Angel will meet and pulverise your heart of nether milestone so that you will awaken, and with as much alacrity as may be compatable with your personal safety, you will hasten to rejobulate your servant.

So mote it be – Amen

Yours despairfully

Sgd. Asuquo Okon Inyang.

 

Source: The British National Archive via Letters of Note

 

Tags: , ,

I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

6 Responses to “#ShortReadFriday: 1929 Letter by Calabar Man on Being Dejobbed, Bewifed, and Childrenised” Subscribe

  1. Obinna Udenwe 2014/05/02 at 17:14 #

    This is amazing. Someone should do a novel on this character.

  2. Ainehi Edoro 2014/05/02 at 17:45 #

    I know!

  3. Kiru Taye 2014/05/03 at 08:08 #

    Hahaha
    Thank you for giving me something to giggle about this Saturday morning

  4. Ainehi Edoro 2014/05/03 at 13:17 #

    You’re welcome love.

  5. Estella 2014/05/26 at 04:09 #

    Ha…

    Really hoping the kind sir rejobulated this brother!

    Or better still, promoted him to the comms dept.

    Lovely, TY

  6. Esther 2016/02/28 at 08:24 #

    He really tried with his grammar
    Construction as at “1929”. Really
    Wish he was rejobulated!

Leave a Reply

I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Archives

The Night My Dead Girlfriend Called | Episode 4: Confronting the ‘Devil’ | by Feyisayo Anjorin

tnmdgc-header

The only thing of iron, plastic, or leather-padding matter in the well-lit shrine of Pa Fakunle was the treadmill for […]

Apes and Satellites | by Mame Bougouma Diene | African Sci-fi

untitled-design29

The ChinaCorp mining-satellite shifted across the planetary terminator, separating from its twin in stationary orbit over the Eastern Chinese Republic’s […]

Is the Ake Festival a Bubble? | Okechukwu Ofili Calls for a Reality Check

untitled-design28

The Ake Arts and Book Festival is an amazing event. It assembles some of the best minds in literature and […]

Zadie Smith and Namwali Serpell on Femininity and Writing

zadie-3

Zadie Smith has an uncommon ability to tell stories that capture our hearts. But she’s also shown herself to be […]

My Feminism | Remembering to Scream | By Wana Udobang

untitled-design27

I don’t remember the first time my father hit my mother. But I often remember my brother’s hands muzzling my […]

Greg Ruth Does Something Amazing with Okorafor’s Female Characters

untitled-design-60

Nnedi Okorafor’s novels are universally loved. She builds her fictional worlds and fashions her characters from the most unusual elements. […]