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I was meeting my prospective client for the first time. Usually, I meet brides-to-be with a friend, a sister or their mum. So this meeting was unusual because the bride came to my office with her uncle.

We talked about the dates they were looking at, what kind of wedding she wanted, locations, their budget, the guest list and so on. After she explained what her vision for her wedding was, the bride seemed happy to go with all my suggestions for vendors. Her uncle didn’t have any objections either. This was looking good. At the end of the meeting, I was happy to take her on as a client, and we set a date for our next meeting.

But as time went on, and we started planning the wedding, I noticed something. She was asking me to split the payments for the vendors into different amounts, and send them to different people. One uncle was paying for food. One man who was her dad’s friend was paying for the DJ and live band. Another older cousin was paying for drinks. Within two weeks, I was having to deal with several men paying for different things.

One day, I met with her and her fiancé. They were talking about paying for their hotel accommodation, when she mentioned that one of her uncles had given her money to pay for a hotel for eight nights. Her fiancé was surprised.

“Which uncle is that?” He asked.

“Uncle Shola, you don’t know him,” she replied. “He’s based in Abuja.”

“I thought it was Uncle Mike that was based in Abuja. The one who got you a new car two months ago.”

“Nooo, Uncle Mike is in Lagos here, but he travels a lot. He’s out of the country now but he said he’ll try to be back for the wedding.”

“You have many generous uncles,” he said. “How come I’ve never met them?”

“Sweetie, they’re happy for me that I’m getting married. Don’t worry you’ll meet them on the wedding day,” she responded.

I was watching with interest, but I didn’t say anything and we carried on talking about the plans.

On the day of the traditional engagement, just before the ceremony was about to start, I was running around coordinating, when one of the ushers came to me.

“The bride says she needs to talk to you urgently!”

I turned around. “Why?”

“I don’t know ma.”

I sighed and went to look for the bride. She was in a separate room from the main hall, where she was supposed to wait until she was called to dance in with her train.

I met her frowning and looking worried.

“Hello Bimbo, what’s the matter?”

“Sorry, I should have told you this before now. Look at this man.” She showed me a photo on her phone. “Please don’t let him sit with my side of the family.”

“But that’s your uncle.” I said. The photo was of the man she came to my office with, on our first meeting.

She looked at me, and rolled her eyes. “He’s not my uncle. He’s just sponsoring my wedding.”

“Hmmm?”

“He’s my sugar daddy. All the other uncles paying for the wedding are his friends. He just called me now and said he wants to sit down with my family, but I trust that you won’t let that happen.”

“I see. So you want me to stop him from coming to the wedding he’s paying for?”

“No, just quickly create another table for him and his crew, not my side or the groom’s side. You know, somewhere neutral.”

I shook my head and did as I was told.

Later, I watched as the bride and groom danced the night away, surrounded by her “uncles” spraying them lots of money.

 

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About the Author:

Tolulope-Photo-02-e1484917783633Tolulope Popoola is an award winning Author, Publisher and Writing Coach. She is the author of two collections of flash fiction stories, “Fertile Imagination” and “Looking For Something”, and a romance novel “Nothing Comes Close”. She has written extensively for many magazines and publications. Tolulope is the founder of Accomplish Press, a coaching, consulting and publishing company, that provides services to support aspiring authors. She was given a special Award of Excellence at the 2016 Nigerian Writers’ Awards, and has recently been shortlisted for Diaspora Writer of the Year for the 2017 awards.She has also earned the nickname of “Africa’s flash fiction queen” for her unique ways with writing dramatic short stories.

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I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

9 Responses to “Memoirs of a Lagos Wedding Planner | Episode 5: The Sponsors | by Tolulope Popoola” Subscribe

  1. Abdul Abubakar 2017/02/17 at 03:28 #

    This is well articulated. A deserved nickname I must say..

    Then again, when eventually I am to marry, should I be worried about these “uncles” too…

    Humour aside…I love this.

  2. Chinyere 2017/02/20 at 03:23 #

    Hahahhahahahahaha…. Nice one. Need a good laugh this morning. Please keep up the good work.

  3. Adaeze Writes 2017/02/20 at 07:00 #

    Hahahaha… The bride and her many uncles. Lovely piece.

  4. Motunrayo 2017/02/20 at 07:15 #

    loool. But why the “neutral table”?….hmmm….thought-provoking… lol

    Great job!

  5. Tolulope 2017/02/20 at 08:04 #

    lol.
    Good one , Africa’s flash fiction queen!

  6. OgeGinika 2017/02/20 at 11:32 #

    I feel so sorry for the guy. I wonder if he is just deliberately closing his eyes to the signs or just plain stupid

  7. Kemi salami 2017/02/24 at 09:15 #

    A home built on lies and deceit, will crumble like a pack of cards.

  8. chiamaka 2017/02/25 at 16:41 #

    The groom is so gullible.

    “Later, I watched as the bride and groom danced the night away, surrounded by her “uncles” spraying them lots of money.” That bit killed me. Lmao

  9. Jhon 2017/04/21 at 08:59 #

    HAHAHAHAHA….. “Uncles” palava…Nice one.

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I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

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