I am black & gay and even those two hate each other.

The eyes will shut behind the doors of itself, close its windows & admit nightmare

Before the cock crows, my body will betray
itself & my retina like a camera will roll in
the sights of crows/ cawing/ flying/ still/ lifeless

some dreams do not interpret themselves,

My body will jerk itself, fight on its own accord, yes there are a million ways to die as
a living thing

then there are ten million ways to die as a black/ queer/ transgender/ non binary/ living thing, try raising up your hands & expect a fist,

a punch in the face or a bullet to the head, imagine the last words tumbling out of my tongue:

“Eli Eli lama sabachtani!”

My body turning into a pillar of salt/ a pillar of memory/ my lover can pinch off from when I am gone,

lord, did I inherit a death sentence the day I was born? you can’t be black & queer in one body,

What kind of death am I asking for? lord pass this cup over, or my body will die before I wake, what kind of cross is this?

who labelled me Cain, put a sign to my head, cursed my last words & said it should be
“I can’t breathe! Can’t breathe! Breathe!”

& once again I am inclined to think that God’s spit is rain water, that we are nothing but vessels turning into clay turning into dust.

 

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