My mind drifted back
Towards my tomes of pasts
Those I’ve thrown aways
Long ago when the morrow
Smil’d & beckon’d me o’er

I languidly grap’d the tomes
& flipp’d over dozens of pages
I scann’d check’d & scann’d
While I held my breath in my hand
Each chapter contain’d my handwriting

I can see each words then sentences
Popping up & catching my eyes
Those were ugly things e’er
Each strokes were depictions
Of disgusting ugliness

Anxieties disappointments & regrets
Grabbed hold of my heart
They twitched it squeezed it
I can feel the excrutiatin’ pains
Circuiting from then to my future

I can feel the imminent cracks
The heralding storms of collapse
The crumbling wall of hopes
The broken shards of dreams
Laid strewn in my very front

Cries of regrets sourcing out
Of “if I had only known”
I could have learnt that art
The way of holding pen of faith
To write the diary of destiny

Could regret become a savior
Or repaint the peeling color of pasts?
Could a panick become bravery
To take a bold step towards the morrow?

Questions keep emergin’
Blurrin’ my unsettled mind even more
I’ve had to retreat to a retreat
To embark on a travel of enlightenment
To gain inspirations ’bout life

An idea then surfaced
From the ruin of my mind
If I could cry then I could take
The pain to look for a mentor
And relearn through my mistakes

I could grab the cell of faith
To reach out to my Maker
I could break my wrist and remold it
To the style of fonts I’ve chosen for myself

Why can’t I rewrite the book of my life?

 

 

 

Photo by Dim Hou on Unsplash