Subscribe to Newsletter
Monthly Newsletter: Join more than 3,000 African literature enthusiasts!
Subscribe for African literature news, and receive a free copy of our "Guide to African Novels."

Husbands and Other Answers

On Perusing the Comments on Bellanaija Wedding Features

To The August Society for All Things Matrimonial,

Those who know philosophy are familiar with Occam’s Razor: the simplest solution to a problem is always the best solution. Once a Nigerian woman hits a certain age, 20-somethings and above, most things about her begin to make sense in relation to a category called Husband in the official language of matrimony but Man Issues on the streets.

It’s no secret. After a certain age, any woman on Lat. 10 degrees North and Long. 8 degrees East, also known as Nigeria—be she fat or thin, an orange seller or a party planner, God fearing or idol-worshiping, a Christ Ambassador of a Redeemer, politically-minded or fashion conscious—can always be reduced to a set of problems. After careful meditation and conducting the purest form of inductive reasoning, I’ve come to the conclusion that no behavior, no idiosyncrasy exhibited by said women cannot be explained by the desire or lack thereof of marital bliss. Permit me to identify a few examples: If a single woman is friendly, she’s willing to be husbanded. If she’s sad, she’s frustrated at being husbandless. If she’s happy, she’s definitely got a man. If she’s career-crazy, she’s a man-eater. If she’s religious, it’s no a secret what she prays for.

If she dresses skimpily, she’s desperate for a man. If she covers up, she’s trying too hard. If she’s loud and rude,  she’s ruining her chances of ever finding a man. If she’s chilled and passive, she’d probably be passed over, unnoticed. If she’s ugly, she should be ready for hard times at the nuptial market. If she’s pretty, she’s a distraction to men of good character. On and on it goes. Everything a woman is and does, down to the color of her nails and the sound of her sneeze, make sense in connection to the status of the man in or outside of her life.

Photo: Norma Cabral

Tags: , , ,

I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

I hold a doctorate in English from Duke University and recently joined the Marquette University English faculty as an Assistant Professor. I love teaching African fiction and contemporary British novels. Brittle Paper is the virtual space/station where I play and experiment with ideas on how to reinvent African fiction and literary culture.

Monthly Newsletter!

Subscribe for African literature news, and receive a free copy of our
"Guide to African Novels."

Archives

Psalm 151 | Theresa Lola | Poetry

theresa lola

Theresa Lola is a poet of considerable achievement. A few months ago, she became a joint winner of the 2018 […]

Opportunity for African Writers | Enter for the 2019 Gerald Kraak Award

gerald kraak - as you like it

The 2019 Gerald Kraak Award is open for submissions. The deadline is 25 June 2018. Founded in 2016 by the Jacana […]

If Football Nations Were Rappers | Musa Okwonga’s World Cup Thread Is a Twitter Moment

musa okwonga - god is in the tv zine

Writer-musician Musa Okwonga last week saw a fun thread he started, “If Football Nations Were Rappers,” in which he matched football […]

Cassava Republic Warns Against the Deletion of Local Publishing Houses

cassava republic books

A few days ago, publishers Cassava Republic published on their site a trend in which Nigerian media de-prioritize the work […]

Crime-Writing as Political Engagement in Moroccan Literature

InstaBox_201861813422729

Among the best known Moroccan writers are Laila Lalami, UNESCO-Sharjah Prize winner Bensalem Himmich, Grand Atlas Prize winner Youssef Fadel, Prix Goncourt […]

Mo Abudu Announces Film Adaptation of Soyinka’s Death And The King’s Horseman

mo abudu WOLE-SOYINKA premium times

Nollywood personality Mo Abudu, CEO of EbonyLife Television, has announced a film adaptation of Wole Soyinka’s Death and the King’s Horseman. She […]

Thanks for signing up!

Never miss out on new posts. Subscribe to a digest, too:

No thanks, I only want the monthly newsletter.