Okey Ndibe has publicly renounced his friendship with poet Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, not the famous Okonkwo of Umuofia, mind you, but the “21st century Unoka” from Nnobi who just committed an unforgivable offense. Okonkwo’s crime? Gifting Ndibe a signed copy of his new poetry collection A Kiss That Never Was: Poems of Heartbreak & Almost-Love with a devastatingly clever inscription: “You now own a signed copy. Don’t let my grandchildren see it in a thrift store. Thank you for your years of friendship.” The note effectively torpedoed Ndibe’s entrepreneurial plans to quietly flip the book on eBay, prompting the novelist to invoke the wisdom of an “eminent philosopher laureate at Alaba Institute of Mercantilist Wisdom” who once asked, “Book na food?”

Despite this betrayal, Ndibe admits that Okonkwo, whom he calls “Dr. Damages”, can “weave spells with his poems,” describing the collection as both exquisite and hilariously funny. The book explores heartbreak and almost-love with the kind of wit that makes a poet wickedly mean enough to preemptively block resale schemes while simultaneously making you want to read every page. Ndibe’s solution? He’s asking readers to buy their own copies, enjoy them thoroughly, and then donate them to him. He has “serious plans.”

If a poet cunning enough to outwit Okey Ndibe’s business acumen wrote these poems, they’re worth reading. Get your copy of A Kiss That Never Was: Poems of Heartbreak & Almost-Love by Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo here. Just don’t tell Ndibe you bought it, or he might ask you to add it to his growing collection of “donated” books with serious resale potential.