This is not an essay. A few days ago, Kenyan novelist, Wainaina Binyavanga, tweeted a set of remarks he called “a brief scientific history of deamons.”  Aaron Bady of New Inquiry compiled and edited them into what you have here.

I can’t honestly say what this is. Really. You just have to read and make of it what you will. Looks like Binyavanga was possessed by Marechera’s spirit or something. The most I can say is that when storytelling tips over the edge of prophecy, you get this.

#BrazeYourself

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

Ivan Forde

So the deamon for homosexuality, is it French? Coz many Pentecostals say it is not African. Now, the deamon of homosexuality—I’m thinking it came on a ship, coz deamons must be hosted by a body. They just can’t arrive by teleporting. Bible Scientists who know the field very well have deeply researched ALL African knowledge and are sure Gay deamon DID indeed come from the West. Scientists and experts on Bible Africa are sure Homo deamon was imported. I’m not sure though whether by plane or ship. Container number? Homosexuality deamon could very well have arrived, not in a container (carrying Friesian bulls maybe?), it could have come with passengers. Homosexuality deamon must have sat around bored for a long long time occupying one or two people, until the internet arrived.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

When the internet arrived, the homosexuality deamon went digital, and was able to climb into optic fibers. Homosexuality deamon learns fast. Full of trickery. Read a lot and decided to convert from simple analogue deamonhood, to an actual ideology. Homosexuality demon is by this time quite African, a middle class one, likes old colonial houses, comfy hotels, really likes imported things. Homosexuality deamon decided to occupy son of a pastor to a scholarship in the Netherlands where they ate cheese, wore clogs and smoked bang. While smoking bhang and at tenting philosophy they came up with a Homosexual ideology. They called it Gayism and Lesbianism. Homosexuality deamon and son of Pastor knew that Africans would never accept them unless they were imported and western. So they bought skinny jeans and balanced trousers.

Flight back to Nairobi (first class with NGO money), they were attacked overflying Sudan, by a chariot of male African homosexuality deamons. It was very traumatising – a bunch of Wolof speakers afro-deamons, some Azande, some refused to say. Two Kings. Shaka and Kabaka Mwanga. So. they were hijacked and taken to a hotel in Entebbe. They were taught many things, secret Baganda things, warrior-like Zulu things. Kabaka Mwanga said he really liked young boys, pages. He liked girls too. Actually he liked a feast of flesh.

So, deamon of Homosexuality (French mum, English dad) and Pastor’s Son were very well educated. Shaka, they learned was into pain: thorns, shot spear stabs, soulful war cries. He taught them geopolitics and how to shield their websites. Shaka was not into women. Hated lesbians. Kabaka mwanga hated white people, kept trying to poison Imported Homosexual deamon. He really hated Catholic priests. They killed his lovers. The things they did in the Cathedral!Over two weeks in Entebbe, they used social media to spread Afro-homosexualism everywhere with a few dutch techniques.

Meanwhile Museveni and Martin Ssempa really wanted to make some contacts with some crazy Bush type southern baptist ex- slave owning types. And so they had lunch with some Pentacostals who showed them the famous poo poo videos. Museveni was a soldier, and soldiers know what these things are about. man -man love has always been part of man-man war. But Ssempa was sssstunned. sweaty, hot, most and tender, angry. Sssso..that night King Shaka and Kabaka Mwanga visited him in his room and showed him the Cow Formation Sssstrategy – he has not recovered. Pastor’s son/Homsexual deamon built a cottage together in Azandeland where they took care of the four lost Kings who really caused mischief. Aaall over Africa. So, Homosexuality deamon taught pastor’s son that there are all kinds of deamons. Pentacostal bullshit deamons. Pentacostal kinda ok deamons.

And that is a brief scientific history of deamons via Pentecos-magination. Next week, in Pentacostal Bible Study, we will talk about evolution. And why Adam is shit scared of Eve.

 

The awesome image in the post is by Ivan Forde. See more Ivan’s work HERE.