Subscribe to Newsletter
Monthly Newsletter: Join more than 3,000 African literature enthusiasts!
Subscribe for African literature news, and receive a free copy of our "Guide to African Novels."

Image via Flickr.

Some mornings, getting out of bed feels like carrying ten bags of cement. Other mornings, you float through space, watching your life pass by from a distance. You are struggling to dig your way out of a bottomless pit. The more you dig, the deeper you plummet. A crashing descent into a bottomless vacuum.

You try to hold on to the rails of euphoria. One hit, two hits. You puff in and out to grasp at a distant hope. To find meaning in the smoke around you. You try to read the signs, but the fog keeps you in bleakness. Blue pills, syrup and methanol, to numb your senses to the hollowness.

Maybe if you shut down you could find some succour. The pills and syrup percolate through your bloodstream. You drift away. But not for too long. Reality always lingers. If euphoria is your escape from reality, then dysphoria is the air you breathe.

The cloak of emptiness cleaves to your skin like tissues gluing parts of your body together. It becomes the very essence of your existence. The whole world shrinks through your pigeonhole. Living becomes a distant memory. Becomes a portrait you stare at from afar. You want to run away from everything. Run away from life.

Have you ever been too tired to live and yet too scared to die? Too young to give up hope and too old to dream? Each new day fills you with despair. A helplessness that gnaws at your lungs. You are choking.

You struggle to breathe. You are conscious of each breath. Of each heartbeat. You become conscious of your vanity. Your whole existence wrapped in a blanket of ennui. Living becomes a Sisyphean charade. What is the point of living to die? You try to pull the trigger but courage takes a leap. You realize that dying isn’t any easier than living, but you know this: living is torture, dying is a latent horror.

 

 

About the Author:

Victor Enite Abu is a drama minister. He resides in Ota Ogun State.

Tags: ,

One Response to “An Ode to Depression | Victor Enite Abu” Subscribe

  1. Habiba 2017/10/13 at 04:40 #

    This Is so accurate

Leave a Reply

Welcome to Brittle Paper, your go-to site for African writing and literary culture. We bring you all the latest news and juicy updates on publications, authors, events, prizes, and lifestyle. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram (@brittlepaper) and sign up for our "I love African Literature" newsletter.

Monthly Newsletter!

Subscribe for African literature news, and receive a free copy of our
"Guide to African Novels."

Archives

Demons in the Villa | Excerpt from Ebenezer Obadare’s Pentecostal Republic

pentecostal republics ebenezer obadare

Pentecostal Republic takes a hard look at the influence of pentecostalism in Nigerian politics. Prof. Obadare is a sociologist, who […]

Yasmin Belkhyr, Romeo Oriogun, Liyou Libsekal, JK Anowe Featured in Forthcoming 20.35 Africa Anthology Guest-Edited by Gbenga Adesina and Safia Elhillo

20.35 africa contributors

In February, we announced a call for submissions for a new poetry project. The anthology, 20.35 Africa: An Anthology of Contemporary Poetry, […]

On Black and Arab Identities: Safia Elhillo’s Arab American Book Awards Acceptance Speech

Safia Elhillo - tcb book club (2)

Safia Elhillo has won the 2018 Arab American Book Award, also known as the George Ellenbogen Poetry Award, for her […]

Attend the Second Edition of the Write with Style Workshop with Oris Aigbokhaevbolo

Oris Aigbokhaevbolo (2)

Following the first edition of the Write With Style Workshop, the award-winning writer, critic, and journalist Oris Aigbokhaevbolo is hosting […]

Ngugi’s Novel, Matigari, Is Being Adapted to Film by Nollywood Director Kunle Afolayan

Kenyan author Ngugi wa ThiongÕo, Distinguished Professor of English and comparative literature at UC Irvine, is on the short list for the 2010 Nobel Prize in literature, for xxx(add phrase or blurb here from award announcement; 

Chancellor quote? Christine writing and getting approved quote).

Ngugi, whose name is pronounced ÒGoogyÓ and means Òwork,Ó is a prolific writer of novels, plays, essays and childrenÕs literature. Many of these have skewered the harsh sociopolitical conditions of post-Colonial Kenya, where he was born, imprisoned by the government and forced into exile.

His recent works have been among his most highly acclaimed and include what some consider his finest novel, ÒMurogi wa KagogoÓ (ÒWizard of the CrowÓ), a sweeping 2006 satire about globalization that he wrote in his native Gikuyu language. In his 2009 book ÒSomething Torn & New: An African Renaissance,Ó Ngugi argues that a resurgence of African languages is necessary to the restoration of African wholeness.

ÒI use the novel form to explore issues of wealth, power and values in society and how their production and organization in society impinge on the quality of a peopleÕs spiritual life,Ó he has said.

Ngugi wa Thiong’o’s 1987 novel Matigari is being adapted to film by Nollywood director Kunle Afolayan in a co-production with yet undisclosed Kenyan […]

Safia Elhillo Makes a Fashion Statement at the Arab American Book Awards

Safia Elhillo - tcb book club (2)

From Taiye Selasi’s dreamy designer collections and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s flayed sleeves and Dior collaboration to Alain Mabanckou’s dapper suits […]

Thanks for signing up!

Never miss out on new posts. Subscribe to a digest, too:

No thanks, I only want the monthly newsletter.